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SPORTS SATIRE

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by Christopher C. Wuensch

A tributary blog of Prose & Cons

Friday, October 16, 2009

I BELIEVE WE CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT...



The University of Georgia baseball program officially altered its roster today; a week after Bulldog pitcher Dean Weaver legally changed his name.

In 2009, the Douglasville, Ga., native posted the seventh-best single season for saves since “Hustlin’” Hughie Jennings first piloted the Bulldogs in 1895.

The Washington Nationals were impressed by the junior’s poise on the mound and selected him in the seventh round of this summer’s amateur draft. He was one of a school-record 11 Diamond Dogs getting a call from the Big Leagues.

Despite the success, Weaver changed his last name in Douglasville County Court House on Monday, citing psychological trauma suffered on behalf of the Georgia Sports Information Department.

The hurler said hearing Gary Wright’s “Dream Weaver” played over the stadium’s public address system all 74 times he entered a game is what eventually drove him to sign with the worst team in Major League Baseball, rather than return to Georgia for his senior year.

Weaver’s new handle is a baseball homage to Cincinnati Bengal wide receiver Chad Ochocinco, who legally switched his last name from Johnson.

When Dean DosDos reports to Florida this winter to play for the Gulf Coast League Nationals his nombre will match his number.

Dirty Birdie




Much-maligned Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick announced today the release of his autobiography, which details his 23-month imprisonment in Leavenworth Federal Prison on dog-fighting charges. Vick’s 514-page tome “Kibbles & Blitz: The Michael Vick Story” can(‘t) be found on bookstores everywhere.