news that's bound to break...




by Christopher C. Wuensch

A tributary blog of Prose & Cons

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Slimmin' Sammy

Months after a November photo revealed a drastic difference in Sammy Sosa’s now-lighter skin tone, the infamous Chicago Cubs slugger admits his attempts to “desaparezca fuera de vista.”

Translation: disappear out of sight.

A frail Sosa was a mere shell of his former 6-foot, 220-pound Earth-thundering self when he sat down with reporters. Slammin’ Sammy — he of a sixth-best all-time 609 dingers and a U-Haul full of steroid allegations in tow — confessed to recently taking a herbal supplement grown along the shoreline of the Yaque Del Sur river of his native Dominican Republic.

The ground-root herb cocktail Sosa had been ingesting twice weekly was literally causing him to disappear.

A week after the interviews, the only thing left of Sosa was a moderate pile of fine powder.

Sosa’s wife Sonya would not address the speculations that the slugger’s ashes were to be stored either in a syringe or a hollowed-out bat.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Citing the success of signing C.C. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett last winter, the world-champion New York Yankees announced Monday their off-season intentions of adding to their roster more players who only go by their first initials. Among the dozen qualified players on the Bronx Bombers’ early short list are J.J. Hardy, B.J. Upton, D.J. Carrasco, A.J. Pierzynski and J.A. Happ.