news that's bound to break...




by Christopher C. Wuensch

A tributary blog of Prose & Cons

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Griffey Jr. XXL

Throughout his 21-year Major League career, Ken Griffey Jr. has feasted off a robust buffet of flat cheddar, ripe fastballs and hanging curveballs that dangle like grapes on a vine.

But now, Griffey’s hall-of-fame career is coming under fire this season as the Seattle Mariner designated hitter attempts to slice the 30-home run deficit between him and Willie Mays for fourth on the all-time list.

For much of his career, Griffey has ducked any allegations of using performance-enhancing supplements — perhaps due to his ability to captivate us with a sinuous swing, dimple-face charm and ‘go-get-‘em, slugger!’ mantra.

Conspiracy theorists are now pointing to growing evidence — mostly in the area where his six-pack abs used to be — that Griffey Jr. may not be as pure as once believed.

These critics base their supposition of his recent girth not at Griffey’s love of supper, rather on a theory called the “Barry Bonds Formula,” in which a once scrawny speedster cocoons into a behemoth of a slugger.

You be the judge:

Griffey — who’s packed on 30 pounds since entering the Majors tipping the scales at 200 pounds — declined to address the allegations, but did say that he spent the off-season working out with fitness guru and hitting Yoda, Tony Gwynn.

Saturday, January 23, 2010


It turns out notorious hip-hop artists Tupac Shakur and Biggie Smalls aren’t the only ones creating original music long after their untimely deaths.

Citing the track record of the deposed, coastally-proud rappers, the late Walter Payton has decided to get back into the sports-music industry.

The hall-of-fame running back has announced plans to release a re-mastered version of the Super Bowl Shuffle, a tribute to the sporty anthem put out by Sweetness and his Chicago Bears teammates nearly 25 years ago.

Payton admitted that he found motivation to posthumously release the new song after witnessing the success of the still-mortal LaDainian Tomlinson, whose recent music video LT-Slide-Electric Glide has become a Web phenomenon.

Payton, who made a name for himself in the Midwest, hasn’t decided yet whether he’ll collaborate with East Coast’s Smalls or West Coast’s Shakur on the project.